Tired and hung over this morning. I feel like I’ll never have another drink again… but that’s probably not true. We made it up to Sac last night around 7 and went straight to the wake for Jim. There were a lot of people there. All drunk and sad. I felt like an outsider even tho Heidi is my friend. A strange experience to end the week. I found out later from Keri that Jim had hung himself in the garage.
I feel sick. Too much to drink and not enough sleep to sleep it off. We’re at Andy’s now, where we spent the night.
We’re back at Jim’s house for the second wake. He had so many friends that it’s just sad that he felt he had to take his life. Keri told me that Jim had cleaned the house and did the dishes before he hung himself in the garage. His dad found him. His dad had come over to take him to the doctor for new depression meds. Apparently, he had switched his meds a couple weeks ago and went into a downward spiral. So he put everything in order before his dad arrived. I can’t even imagine the pain they must feel.
Keri says that Heidi feels so guilty. She and Jim were no longer together and had been fighting a lot. He was lashing out at everyone. Keri is worried that Heidi could easily go on some drinking binge to avoid her emotions.
I sit in isolation. I don’t know these people. I didn’t know him.
Everyone here is a hipster. Style abounds. As cool as that is, I can’t wait to leave.
-transcribed from paper journal “As The Crow Flies”