Long day. Disappointing. The Artworks photographer came in today with Erin Clark but they totally ignored the process of what we do which means I don’t think they got a single photo of me working. I’m at Mom’s. Got a txt from T-mobile that the automatic payment for the sidekick didn’t go thru. Sent it on to Steven but he says he’ll sort it out tomorrow. I’ve a feeling that he can’t and won’t be able to pay. As each day goes by I feel more and more like I am really wasting my time. Keri is probably right and I feel like a tool. this is so depressing. After all the work I’ve done. I worry daily. This can’t go on. By Friday, I must make some kind of stand. Tonight I will meditate on this and decide what I’m going to do. Feel torn. On one hand I would like to continue working for Steven because I really like what I do. But on the other hand he has to pay me. I don’t want to be on SSDI forever. I dread the mail. Every day I come home expecting a letter from Social Security saying they’re cutting me off. It could happen. I don’t want the last 2 years to be wasted. I feel like it may turn out that way. What can not happen is losing Keri. I will if I let this drag out too long. What I think I’ll do is give Steven until year’s end, if that. That’s probably too generous. My problem is I don’t know how to broach the subject. With either. I want to ask Ker’s opinion but I know she wants no part. God. Gold. Is there God? What do I do?
Keri is here and we are about to go to Skyler’s first concert at PG Middle School. He has been learning how to play the clarinet for months now.